Foster Family Spotlight: Lynn Soike
In July 2008, Lynn Soike agreed to take placement of two boys, whom she later adopted in October 2009. After closing out her first fostering journey on a positive note, she vowed to return to fostering after her boys finished school.
Fast forward to May 2020. While the world was not only in the midst of a global health crisis, but also a time when the state was in a drastic need of foster homes, a friend of Lynn’s reached out and asked if Lynn would be willing to expedite her timeline a bit and become licensed again during this time of need.
After some careful consideration and communication with her support system, Lynn decided to step back into the world of foster care. Despite the added barriers from the Covid-19 pandemic, Lynn became licensed again in December 2020 and began taking placements again in January 2021.
Since being licensed, Lynn has welcomed over 25 additional children into her home; some staying a matter of days, others a few months and some for years. When asked, those who work closely with her as a foster parent say Lynn really strives to work together with families toward reunification.
One of the family case managers who works with Lynn currently reported, “The most important thing about her, I feel, is that she understands the importance of ensuring that children maintain contact with their families of origin when it is safe and healthy.” She went on to share, “[Lynn] has a good relationship with the parents on one of the cases and sometimes will facilitate visits outside of their regularly scheduled visits when there are special occasions, and she will go out of her way to ensure that the other child I have in her care maintains contact with their grandparent and half-sibling.”
Another FCM who has worked with Lynn stated, “Lynn makes all of the children in her care feel loved, special and seen.” This FCM also shared a heartwarming story of a child placed with Lynn, “My kiddo barely talked, was very shy and very timid with everyone. She has been with Lynn since June of last year and has blossomed into a whole different kid!” FCMs from this county also rave over Lynn’s tendency to try to take the kiddos she cares for to Disney to get to experience the magic it has to offer.
For Lynn, one of the most rewarding parts of fostering is being part of the team. Lynn really enjoys being able to watch families come back together and reports that she wants the parents of all the children she cares for to know that she is here to not only support their kids, but them as well. She works hard to ensure she co-parents with them while their children are in her home so they can see they are all part of the same team.
When asked what success looks like as a foster parent, Lynn reported, “Success, to me as a foster parent, is working together with the family to get their kids home when it’s safe. Watching all the hard work the parents have put in to get their family back together is amazing. I’m always so proud of them. Change is hard for everyone, but changing so much of their lives is something they should be proud of.”
Adding to Lynn’s definition of success, she also shared that one of the biggest misconceptions she’s come across as a foster parent is that, “Foster parents just want to keep every child who walks through the door.”
Lynn shared that one of her favorite things as a foster parent is being able to watch a child walk out of her home and be reunited with their parents or family. She strives to support and embrace the entire family when it is safe for her to do so and reports, “I want the family to know – I’m on their team.”
Being a licensed foster parent is difficult, even in the best of times. Being a foster parent as a single person comes with some of its own unique challenges. Lynn relies on and is very thankful for her strong support system, “I have an amazing support system. My mom is the best support person I could ask for. She watches kiddos until I can get them into daycare or I need a night out. My extended family is supportive and welcoming to the kiddos that are in my home. I come from a large extended family so liking kids has always been a thing, and they don’t know a stranger. My best friends help me keep my sanity. Sometimes that means sending me a funny reel or dropping off dinner. I really couldn’t be a foster parent without any of them.”
She also doesn’t count out her grandparents, noting, “One of my favorite things is watching my 95- and 97-year-old grandparents play with the kids. That might not seem like much, but even if they only play with the kids for 5 minutes, that gives me a 5-minute break and a chance to charge my battery. I don’t know who enjoys it more; me, my grandparents or the kids.”
Through all the ups and downs, Lynn has never wanted to quit but does admit, “I have yet to have a moment where I thought, 'I just can’t do this anymore.' Now, a moment of, ‘Yep, I must be a little crazy’, that’s happened.”
Overall, Lynn is proud of what she has been able to accomplish and what she’s been able to experience as a foster parent. She shared, “Looking back at my foster care journey so far, I’m most proud of how hard the families I’ve been privileged to work with have put in the effort and time it takes to heal and get their kiddos home. Seeing the joy on their faces and knowing I helped along the way makes it worth it!”
FCMs and licensing workers alike are quick to acknowledge Lynn’s strong capabilities when it comes to working alongside families of origin and supporting reunification. Her licensing worker shared that Lynn doesn’t shy aware from being an active member of the child and family team and is known for often encouraging parents to do what they need to do to get their children back. Lynn echoes this by sharing that watching families heal and become whole again is part of what makes all the, “Ups, downs, uncertainty and heartbreak worth it. Knowing you were there to support the whole family and help them rebuild that foundation, it’s a great feeling.”
Having been licensed again for almost seven years now, Lynn has two very specific words of advice for new foster parents, “To brand new foster parents, the hardest thing you’ll do is love the kiddos to pieces and send them home. Your heart will break even while you are over the moon excited for them. The other – you are going to have false allegations against you. It’s really scary and hard, but you’ll get through it. Lean on your support system and have faith.” And to the veteran foster parents out there, Lynn encourages, “Keep doing what you’re doing. You’ve made a difference in all the lives you’ve touched, even if you don’t see it.”
As Lynn’s journey continues and she welcomes more children into her home, she looks back on the children she’s cared for and hopes they know that they were loved and will continue to be loved. “If that is the only memory they take with them, then at the end of the day, that’s what counts the most,” Lynn shared.
Foster Family Spotlight: Chloe Reneau and Kayla Bary
As Chloe Reneau and Kayla Bary are nearing the end of their second year as licensed foster parents, Chloe shared, “We were motivated to become foster parents because we felt there was space in our hearts and home for children who needed love, support and stability. We knew we had the resources, housing and commitment to provide a safe environment for children in need and it simply felt like the right thing to do.”
Chloe and Kayla have done just that for six children. Their Licensed Child Placing Agency (LCPA), Stepstone, reports that the couple brings more than a high-quality home. Eric, the couple’s licensing worker stated that they bring, “Love, stability, advocacy and a tenacious spirit where foster youth feel loved, accepted and cared for.”
Chloe and Kayla shared that they value the well-being of every child and believe strongly that every child, including the ones currently placed in their home, deserve someone in their corner. This means being able to provide each child a, “Safe place to land, a shoulder to lean on and people who genuinely care about their future.” They believe that one of the most joyous aspects of fostering is experiencing the children in their care work toward their goals and overcome their individual challenges.
Their journey has helped them to understand that every child is unique. While they feel the preparation for licensure was paramount, caring for these children and by extension, their families, have provided them with a better understanding of other cultures, backgrounds and life experiences. They truly value being able to watch and be a part of these children’s lives as they’ve watched them grow, learn, gain confidence and express their own individual personalities.
Though it's still early in their fostering journey, Chloe and Kayla shared that they wish more people understood the importance of permanency and reunification. Chloe and Kayla report they’ve heard others say that they couldn’t possibly be foster parents because they couldn’t handle when a child is returned to their birth families. They want people to understand that the truth is, “The heartbreak is real and it can be incredibly difficult. But fostering isn’t about avoiding attachment – it’s about providing love, stability and support during a critical time in a child’s life.”
Chloe went on to share, “If you’re worried about fostering because you know you’ll fall in love with the children, that’s exactly why you should foster. Children deserve to be loved. They deserve to know what safety, support and belonging feel like. Even if your time together is temporary, the impact of that love can last a lifetime.”
That’s not to say they haven’t faced their fair share of challenges and difficulties, but they report that, “Reflecting on the memories we’ve created and looking forward to making new ones helps us to navigate the heartbreak that can sometimes accompany fostering. The joy and the impact of the journey far outweigh the challenges.”
For other foster parents, Chloe and Kayla’s advice is simple, “Keep an open mind while also advocating for both the children and you.” A family case manager working with Chloe and Kayla enforced this belief of advocacy by sharing, “I appreciate the research they do regarding [the child’s] medical issues, possible solutions and accommodations that can be put in place to assist [the child] to thrive.” Their licensing worker further shared that Chloe and Kayla love the children who have been placed in their home like they were their own and always seek and advocate for the very best outcomes for them.
For anyone exploring the possibility of fostering, Chloe and Kayla believe anyone with the ability and desire to help should consider being licensed. They stress that the need is tremendous, and every child deserves to experience unconditional love and support. Chloe further shared, “Foster Care can be complex, emotional and unpredictable, but it is also one of the most meaningful experiences a person can have.”
To describe their own complex, emotional and unpredictable journey; Chloe and Kayla chose the phrase, “Growth through the struggle.” They believe that this captures not just their own journey as a family, but also the stories of the children they’ve cared for. Chloe and Kayla want people to know they’ve witnessed resilience, healing, courage and transformation in both the children and them, and they hope others understand and remember, that foster care is not always easy, but growth often comes through adversity. Speaking to their own growth through struggle, Chloe added, “Through every challenge, there has been growth, and through every struggle, there has been hope.
In closing, Chloe and Kayla had the following to share with others.
What makes you continue to foster even when things are hard?
“For us, the answer is simple: The children. We stay because we love the kids in our care. We are willing to face challenges head-on and remain strong for them when they need us most.”
What is the most rewarding thing about your family’s fostering journey?
“We have loved every child who has been in our care, every child currently in our care and every child who may come into our home in the future. The most rewarding part of this journey has been the relationships we’ve built and the memories we’ve created with each child. Those moments stay with us forever.”
Can you tell us about a particularly rewarding or inspirational moment in your journey that may serve as a reminder as to why you chose to foster?
“There are so many meaningful moments that it’s difficult to choose just one. Looking at our current placements, one of the most rewarding experiences has been watching each child grow in their own unique way.
We’ve had the privilege of seeing our children learn how to communicate more effectively, build confidence and use tools that help them regulate their emotions and navigate challenges. One of our boys participates in physical therapy and watching him overcome obstacles and achieve milestones continues to make us incredibly proud. Our other boy has significant emotional needs and watching him establish healthy boundaries has been inspiring. Our girl came to us with extensive medical needs and watching her grow stronger every day while her personality shines through has been nothing short of amazing.”
Tell us about an experience or moment you’ve experienced that may motivate another foster parent through a difficult time.
“The adjustment period after placement can be challenging for everyone involved. It can be stressful for children as they adapt to a new environment and equally overwhelming for foster parents learning how to best support them. Once children begin to feel safe, open up and show you who they truly are, you witness the incredible progress that comes from patience, love and consistency. Those moments remind us exactly why we chose to foster.”
How do you juggle all of the different roles required of you while also taking care of yourself and your own family?
“We quickly realized how important organization and planning would be. Between work schedules, appointments, visits, therapies and everyday needs, there was a lot to coordinate.
We try to plan as much as possible in advance, often scheduling and organizing an entire month at a time. While every day brings something unexpected, staying organized helps us provide the consistency and stability our children need while also making sure we care for ourselves and our family.”
